I have been away from WordPress for most of this year. Call it a sabbatical, a different focus, the bottom line was that I was “Our Lady of Perpetual Process,” a role that made it difficult to write objectively about what was going on within me while I was experiencing it.
Sometimes I felt guilty for not being able to document in “real time” what was going on in those “inner realms.” I have prided myself (“pride” should be a clue, right?) for being able to experience and bear witness to my own conscious evolution. Many readers have commented that my own revelations have helped them on their own journeys, which is the best reward I could hope for and usually motivates me to “keep reporting.”
Not this time!
Much of this year I struggled to keep my center, my spiritual balance in the face of emotional “reprises” that surfaced suddenly, unexpectedly and intensely, requiring beaucoup self-empathy, compassion, forgiveness and deep breathing — just to stay present and process what was presenting to me at the time. Had I not had the partnership and loving support of my dear husband, Tomas and my Soul Sister, Blue Star Deerwomon, I might have spun off the ride into a place of confusion at best.
For all of this I am so grateful.
I have gained a bit of perspective now and looking back, I sense that I was in a kind of Dark Night of the Soul — a place that most spiritual seekers experience along their path. But one is never prepared for these “detours” — EVER! There is never a road sign that warns you: “Caution — Emotional Landslide Ahead!”
No, it is precisely the unexpected stumbling into the crevasse-that-has replaced-the-road that offers the opportunity for one to test the mettle of one’s spiritual status. During 2016 I often had the thought that “I am failing miserably.”
At other times, I was keenly aware that I was reaching more deeply into myself than I had ever done before and though the present moment was uncomfortable (sometimes extremely so) and challenging (sometimes to the max!) I was able to understand that this was the way that my soul was choosing to refine me, to polish me, to prepare me for the next assignment.
In those moments of elucidation, I gave thanks and knew that in my own perseverance and diligence to my work, I was serving the Greater Whole. After all, I could see that everything I was going through was a reflection of the state of Humanity; there was nothing “special” about what I was processing — it was the piece of the Great Work that I had been given. In those moments, I felt the glory of my work.
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Tomas and I have been on a traveling assignment (Some refer to the past two and a half years as our “Walk-about.”)
Many of you have followed our journey to and from Morocco and our visits to the Pacific Northwest, California and Arkansas. We have indeed been blessed with so many wonderful adventures and new members of our families of birth and heart. I still keep in touch with about 20 of my Moroccan family through Facebook. Recently, I attended a family reunion and added cousins I had not seen in 40 years and their grown children I had never met to my FB Family.
For all of this I give great thanks.
In September, Tomas and I revisited a website of an intentional community in Oregon that we had first learned about while still in Morocco. The irony was not lost on us that we might be returning to Oregon, only about 100 miles from where we had left in April 2014 when we headed across the Atlantic to join an intentional community.
We will be moving there full time on November 30th to share the abundance of gifts that have become part of our personal toolboxes, after walking this Earth for nearly seven decades. It appears that our Walk-about has come to an end and the next chapter (or Book) is before us, waiting to be written — and LIVED.
One year ago we returned to America — our birth country — with an intention to find our new home in the US. We also returned, because we felt that we could best serve here, within the cultural context that I feel is within our purview to help shift. We are excited to have the opportunity to be part of a working group of people who feel similarly. For this I am deeply grateful.
I feel that I have come home — again — on the next rung of the spiral of my continuing transition and evolution.