Integrating the Grief of Leaving “Home” and Going “Home”

I have Bonded with This Land and The People of Chefchaouen

I have Bonded with This Land and The People of Chefchaouen

Yesterday I came down with a “cold.” I had been doing some heavy cleaning with chlorine bleach and stirring up a lot of dust to get our home here in Morocco buttoned up before we fly back to the USA next week for an extended visit with family and friends.

All night I resisted looking directly into the face of the real cause of my dis-ease: my unacknowledged grief at the thought of leaving my home in Morocco to return to the homeland I left nine months ago in the United States.

I was really feeling AWFUL! Then I took a big breath and outed my grief to Tomas. Having finally “named the beast,” tears of release and relief streamed from my eyes and I also became aware that I was feeling just as anxious about what might be awaiting me in the the States as I had felt last March when contemplating all the unknowns of coming to Morocco.

As soon as I faced what was really going on, my sinuses cleared up, my energy lifted and I felt at peace again.

I have bonded very deeply with this town of Chefchaouen and especially the people in our local neighborhood in less than four months. When I left the US, I declared myself a Planetary Citizen — I would carry my home within me, wherever I went and find members of my Planetary Family wherever they showed up.

Mission Accomplished!

In the wake of this morning’s emotional epiphany, I am once again able to place my faith in Creator/Source, who is obviously calling for me to change homes at this point in the Script. I’m scared in some moments but when I stop and recount the myriad times that everything has worked out with regard to our coming here, being here and finding our perfect place within this “foreign land,” I have to at least smile, if not outright laugh, at my folly to think that we will be suddenly cut off from our Eternal Supplier.

So, I’m saying “salama” (see you later) to my home here and heading back to America to be with the another part of my Planetary Family there.

What’s the Big Deal?!

No big deal. Our “reason” for being on another part of the planet at this particular time will make itself known — or not — at some point.

My part is to trust and continue to keep my heart open to receiving the love of my Family, whoever and wherever they are, wherever “Home” happens to be.

Pacific Coast Sunset Near Another Home of Mine Credit: SeeingM

Pacific Coast Sunset Near Another Home of Mine
Credit: SeeingM

P.S. — Our Morocco Mission is not over. We’ll be returning here in March or April — Insha’Allah.

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4 thoughts on “Integrating the Grief of Leaving “Home” and Going “Home”

  1. Such a lovely post and photos, Alia. Yes, travel well. It can be such a deep and sometimes challenging practice, this thing of ‘carrying home within us wherever we go’, to really *be* where we are yet not cling to it, at least for me (and I’ve had some opportunity to practice!). So I appreciated the post, and musings and perspectives on ‘home’ are always of interest to me. 🙂 Many thanks for sharing yours, Jamie

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